Word Up!

Words are funny things. Why is it that some words make some people totally irrational – cringey, goosebumpy – even occasionally shouty. In my experience it’s usually women, but in all egalitarian fairness, it applies to some men too, sometimes.

I’m not specifically talking about the sweary words, such as that “C” word that allegedly hates women. Or at least makes upper-middle class sexagenarians pull a face like they sucked a lemon. Oddly enough, that’s one of the few words I can think of that sounds better when a British (or Irish) person says it than when an American does… Just doesn’t work in American. It sounds too comedic, and I don’t know why. The other word that (in MY opinion at least) sounds wrong in an American accent is “Aluminium”, The only thing is that that is at least spelled differently in American English than it is in British English. Furthermore (to my shame as a flag-waving Brit), the Americans technically spell “Aluminum” more correctly, as that’s the name that Humphrey Davy gave it (after his brief dalliance with Alumium). However, the USA and Canada are just about the only countries that use that spelling now, so maybe not…

After the above, minor digression, the point I was making was actually intended to regard the use of certain words that evoke a feeling of filth, revulsion or general shudderiness, without TECHNICALLY being “Bad Words”. The most common one I've come across for making people squirm is “Moist”. I have NO clue why such a large number of people (mainly of the female persuasion) go all funny when somebody bemoistens the conversation, but it regularly seems to happen. My personal trigger-word is “Mouthfeel” – makes my boy parts head North to seek inguinal refuge, yet I have no idea why. I once knew someone (my brother’s ex-girlfriend, as a matter of fact), who had a whole dictionary of “Bad Words” that did funny things to her insides. The most prominent of these were “Panties” and (oddly) “Button”.

Why do these words cause gastric somersaults, anyway? They’re only words, and generally not even rude ones. They quite probably evoke some form of emotional response that’s based on a deep-seated kinaesthetic reaction, but I have no idea why.

Also, there’s a second classification of “Bad Words” (third if you count cursing, which should probably, technically be top of the list), in that there are many “manufactured” words and phrases that seem to creep into the language when people want to say something that either the regular lexicon doesn’t cover, or that they feel would be embellished by inventing a new name for an old thing. Normally, what they’re ACTUALLY saying is “I’m a wanker”. Words and phrases that say this loud and proud would be such verbal flatulence as “Blue Sky Thinking”, “Incentivise”, "Knowledgebite", “Predictors of Beaconicity” and (my personal nemesis) “Gifting”. I don’t know why the genesis of such verbally excretal trends causes such dissonance in my soul, but it does and that’s just that.

And that’s all I have to say.

I’d normally try to make some sense of it all, then post some BS moral of the story or “wise” conclusion, but actually, I don’t have the answers, I don’t want the answers, and really, I just want the madness to stop! But just to get me good and riled-up, I welcome anyone’s suggestions of bad words, phrases or even theories on why they rub so many people up the wrong way. Go ahead – if you have something to offer, post a comment! If not, please just assume that I’m a crazy old man with a grudge against some youngsters in hoodies…

I have one more word to type before retiring: Sesquipedalianism. That's all. It sums up my philosophy but does it in a nice, bulky (and a little sexy) package. And it's even a real word that only hates idiots.